Education - what am I really after?

As we approach our first official homeschool year I've been doing a lot of reflecting about this mighty task we've decided to undertake.  Homeschooling I know is not for the faint of heart.  It will not be a cake walk, but I do have faith that it will be one of the most rewarding things I'll ever do in my life.

Part of these thoughts are an attempt for me to, when times are tough and burnout is on the cusp, look back on and remind myself of why I've made this decision to educate my children at home.  I don't want to forget the big picture, the ultimate purpose of this venture, what I'm really striving for.

So what am I striving for?  What is the ultimate purpose?  When it comes down to it I don't think the purpose underneath it all is to provide my children with a good education.  That's not really it - to make my kids smart...whatever that means :)

Don't get me wrong - the building up of the intellect is an important part of life.  It's not something to be taken lightly because that's part of what makes us human - our God-given ability to learn and grow our minds and reason and think.  So providing a solid education is important, just not the most important.

What else makes us human?  God expects us to grow, but not just grow our intellect.  He expects us to be transformed.  We were made in His image - our children were made in His image - and we have the God-given ability to reflect His nature, to grow into Him and His likeness.

To do that we must grow; flourish; mature - more than our intellect but our whole, spiritual selves.  And one of these days our children will grow up and leave our homes and it will be up to them to seek the righteousness of God and allow Him to transform them.  But right now, God has given us, the parents, that responsibility.

Right now (well, at least in my case) our children are too young to learn to seek and listen and obey God.  They're too young to really understand.  I mean, think about how long it takes us to scratch the surface of understanding!  It's a lifelong journey.

And it starts with us - the parents.  God has given us the responsibility - the privilege - of raising up our children in the way they should go so that they never depart from it.

My task, my ultimate purpose in educating my children and raising them up, is to teach them to pursue wisdom, to pursue truth, to pursue beauty in this beautiful world that God has given us.  To become virtuous beings.  To seek the kingdom of God and His righteousness, with faith, knowing that He will give us everything we need.  To help guide these precious beings into ones who will seek the Lord and love Him with all their mind, body, and soul.  (I must remember, though, that God is ultimately in charge of the results.)

And you know what?  I'm convinced that a government-run education program is not interested in those things.  They are not interested in our children pursuing wisdom, truth, beauty.  They are not interested in our children become virtuous.  They are not interested in producing adults who seek God and His kingdom and righteousness.  They are not interested in molding and teaching these children to love the Lord.  That's not what they're after.

I'm not saying that these things can't be taught to our children without homeschooling - although I will venture to say that I think the world in general would be a better place if more and more parents did decide to homeschool their children and for the right reasons.  But I understand that not everyone can and/or will homeschool.  Everyone has a right to make their own decisions and I am not meaning to imply that I'm doing it the right way and everyone else isn't.

Just because I've chosen to homeschool doesn't mean I'm better than anyone else or that my children will turn out better than a public schooled kid.  There are plenty of Godly men and women in this world who went to public school.  But I do think we all need to remember what it's really all about. And, I do think our decision to homeschool will make it easier to teach our children how to navigate this life with God at their center.  Honestly.  Because my children won't be spending more than half of their days in a building ran by the government, getting an education dictated by said government, who, as I mentioned, does not care about what I'm really after.

They will be at home, with me, with their siblings, with so much time and opportunity to love each other and learn with each other and grow with each other.  They will be at home with their family, the unit that should have the most influence on their well-being.  Yes, I may sound idealistic, but there has to be some idealism.  Otherwise, what's the point?

Like I said, it won't be easy.  Nothing truly worthwhile is.  But this is my task, my calling, my privilege, as a Christian parent - to give my all in raising up my children.  To teach them what's truly important through loving and serving them, and through the beauty in the world - which includes good books and mathematics and science and history and art and music.

"Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it."
Proverbs 22:6

When I want to give up

So.  This whole staying-at-home-and-homeschooling thing is not the easiest job in the world.  (And I know you're thinking...uhh, hello?)  And, yes, I knew that going into it.

And it may be harder for me than someone else because of the way I am.  I'm a perfectionist.  I expect things to go my way.  I have a tendency to get frustrated when they don't.  And I'm hard on myself.  I sometimes wonder if I'm cut out for this.

I haven't officially begun homeschooling my kids just yet, but I will at some point this year.  My oldest just turned 6 (!!) and will begin year one (aka first grade) in the next several months.  The thing is, I'm pregnant with our third child and due in September.  So this is a big year - officially beginning homeschooling and having a new baby in the house!

Now I really wonder if I'm cut out for this.

But I can't think like that.  I just can't.  That's where it starts...believe me, I know.  It starts in my mind, with me telling myself that I just can't do it, that it's too hard.

I can't let myself believe that it will be too hard.  I can't tell myself, "Oh, I don't know how I'm going to do it.  So I may as well just give up."

I won't give up.

No, it won't be easy.  But I won't give up.

It will be hard.  But I won't give up.

I will be tired and I will cry and weep.  But I won't give up.

I will want to give up.

But I won't give up.

Now I know I could make things easier and less stressful.  I could go back to work - then I wouldn't spend the majority of my days disciplining my kids, cleaning up after them, etc.  It sure sounds less stressful when you're on this side of the fence.  Or I could send the kids to public school.

But to me, that would be giving up because those two things are very important to me:  staying home and homeschooling my children.  I'm not saying that I think every mother should do these two things, but I truly feel that God has called me to do so, for many reasons of which I may write about in the future.

C.S. Lewis wrote in his book Mere Christianity:

"That is why we must not be surprised if we are in for a rough time.  When a man turns to Christ and seems to be getting on pretty well (in the sense that some of his bad habits are now corrected) he often feels that it would now be natural if things went fairly smoothly.  When troubles come along - illnesses, money troubles, new kinds of temptations - he is disappointed.  These things, he feels, might have been necessary to rouse him and make him repent in his bad old days; buy why now?  Because God is forcing him on, or up, to a higher level:  putting him into situations where he will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving, than he ever dreamed of being before.  It seems to us all unncessary:  but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous thing He means to make of us." 

I won't give up because I know that God is working in me and this is how - through my staying at home with my children.  He is making me more loving, patient, kind, gentle.  He is teaching me to give myself.  He is making me like Him.  And that is not easy because it's against every fiber of my selfish, sinful being.  I want to run away and do what I think is easiest for me.

But the only way is to do the opposite.  To lose myself and run to Him, trusting that He will give me all that I need.

Linking up with:

Wednesdays with Words - imperfection

I finished Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss sometime last week.  There were so many wonderful words and thoughts in this book, but there were times when I just didn't want to stop reading in order to write out a long paragraph, so I would bookmark the page, keep reading, bookmark another page, keep reading, bookmark another page, and so on and so forth.  Now I have about 25 bookmarked pages and am going back through, rereading and/or writing down those many, many quotes.

Here is one:

"I have learned at last not to despise the day of small things, to cherish the tenderest blossom, and to expect my dear ones to be imperfect before they become perfect Christians." 

A page or two later:

"My poor, dear, lovable, loving boy!  He has all his mother's trials and struggles to contend with; but what matter it if they bring him the same peace?"

The main thing that struck me in these passages was the main character's attitude toward her children.  She understood that her children must be "imperfect before they become perfect Christians."  We know, as parents, that we have the labor-intensive task of raising our children, teaching them right from wrong and to love the Lord and trust in Him.  But we can't expect them to be perfect and always make the right decision.  They are still just children - imperfect, immature children.  And they will be for a long time.  They have much to learn and will their whole lives.  But in order to learn, they must start at the bottom; as imperfect creatures to be built up.

(By the way, this applies to us just as much, don't you think?  Isn't this life a continual journey learning how to live for God and His glory?)

The second quote makes me think of my second daughter.  She can be pretty quick-tempered - like me.  Oh how I've prayed that she wouldn't have to deal with that like I have.  How I've prayed that she will learn to control herself and avoid the anguish that ensues from the lack thereof.  "But what matter it if they bring {her} the same peace?"  (Not saying I've reached that peace yet, by the way, but I feel that I'm somewhat on my way.)

God uses our weaknesses to build us up, does He not?  In our weaknesses we learn to depend on and trust in Him; to fall at His feet and cry out for His strength and love and forgiveness.  We learn that in Him alone is peace.  How else can He pick us up unless we fall?

I will still pray that my children overcome their weaknesses, and that God will give me the ability to raise them and teach them what is most important.  But most of all, I will pray that my children will learn to fully and completely love Him, trust Him, listen to Him, and allow Him to pick them up every time they fall.

And I will trust that He will give them peace.

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This is how we do it (I don't feel bad about not teaching my kids)

When I quit teaching to become a stay-at-home mom, I was really concerned about my children learning stuff:  letters, numbers, maybe some handwriting, some math, and anything else preschool-related.  I even convinced myself I would teach Izzy to read this year.

But that just didn't really work out.

 This is what they would rather do!

I find, then, a paradox

When I first started staying at home with my kids, I had big plans.

I just knew that I could keep the house clean, exercise, read, do some baking, make healthy meals all day long, and anything else I had a desire to do, all the while taking care of, spending time with, and teaching something to these children that were under my care.

Well that plan backfired.  Big time.

And it was hard for me.  Because, if you aren't aware, I am a perfectionist.  I expect a lot out of myself.  And if I don't live up to my standards, then I get frustrated and discouraged and consider myself a failure.

This is why I never excelled in sports.

We all throw fits

The other night I just stood in the hallway while Addy sat on the bathroom floor throwing a big old-fashioned fit.

Everything had been fine.  We were getting ready for bed.  We changed into pajamas and brushed teeth.  Then, just like every other night, it was time to sit on the potty (that's mommy talk for "use the restroom").

But, apparently, that was not fine.  It was over.

She did not want me.  She didn't want to go potty.  She didn't want me to talk to her.  She didn't want to stay in the bathroom.

She threw a big, fat fit.

And yes, I know, she's almost 3, and it's the age.  I understand.  And I'm not complaining about it.